No Good Deed Goes Unpunished
by boswifedeb
Summary: It's one of those days - you know the kind where everything goes wrong? Yup, and just like everything else in his life Matt's problems always seem to multiply. This is a fun little short story. Hope y'all enjoy it. Not my characters but I sure wish they were. Rated K .
1. Chapter 1

**No Good Deed Goes Unpunished**

****This story takes place immediately after "Enemy Number One"****

**CHAPTER 1**

"Hey, Matt? Can you come in here for a minute?" CJ was standing on the patio hollering down at her husband who was under his truck in front of the barn. The minute she yelled, his hand slipped on the ratchet he was using to remove the drain plug from the oil filter on his truck and he busted his knuckle. With a half-muted curse, he rolled out on the creeper.

"Yeah, babe, be right there." He grabbed the grease rag out of his back pocket and tried to clean off his hand as he walked up to the house.

"Sorry to bother you, hon, but we've kind of got a problem." She walked back toward the house.

"Did the washing machine blow up or something?" He couldn't figure out what the problem might be – other than the fact that his knuckle was now bleeding so much that it reminded him of a gushing oil well.

"No, although it got out of balance earlier and tried to walk out of the laundry room." CJ laughed. "It isn't really us that's got the problem – it's…" CJ's words were interrupted by a wail coming from the kitchen. When Matt opened the door, Chris – his secretary, flew into his arms.

"Hey, now. What in the world has got you so upset? Come on and sit down. Here." He pulled out a chair for her and sat down at the kitchen table with her. "What's the matter, darlin'?"

"I don't know what I'm gonna do, Houston…Murray…WHAAAAAHHH!" The rest was an incoherent stream of hysterical babble. Matt looked up at CJ, completely mystified.

"Well, the first thing you're gonna do is calm down." He went to the fridge and pulled out a couple of Fizzy Pops. He managed to get one open using his left hand and it was then that CJ saw his knuckles.

"The ratchet slipped again, huh?" She headed toward the master bathroom to get some first aid supplies. Every time Matt got to working on something with a ratchet he would bust his knuckles. She was seriously thinking of slipping out to the tool shed one night and removing all of them.

"Now take a drink. There ya go. Okay, big breath. Now what's the matter?" Matt had never really liked dealing with a hysterical woman and if it hadn't been Chris – who was normally very calm – he might well have headed back down to his truck.

"I'm sorry, Houston." Chris gave a big sniff and he handed her a paper towel. She honked her nose. "It's Murray. We had a fight and…" Her chin started to quiver.

Thinking quickly, Matt handed the drink back to her. "Take another sip. Alright now. Y'all had a disagreement and…"

"No! Not a disagreement. It wasn't near that civilized."

Matt was fighting the urge to laugh. "Oh, okay, so what did y'all get into about?"

"Well, he said he didn't care what kind of ceremony we have…" She started to bawl again.

Houston looked down at his knuckle and then back at his secretary. "And…?"

"Well, isn't that bad enough?" Now Chris was getting mad at him.

"Of course it is, but I mean did he say anything else? That's all I meant. Here, have another sip."

CJ walked back into the kitchen and began cleaning Matt's knuckle. He jumped. "Dang, CJ! How many times have I told you not to use that acid on me?!" He pulled back his hand.

"Quit being such a big baby." She grabbed his hand back and continued to torture him.

Matt, trying to ignore the searing pain being caused by his beautiful wife, looked back at Chris. "And what was the rest of it, Chris?"

"He said it didn't matter to him. And he doesn't seem to want to help with planning any part of the wedding. I mean after all, didn't you help CJ?"

First he heard a snort from his wife, then a peal of laughter. He looked up at her. "Sorry, I just uh, hee hee!" She burst into laughter again.

"Actually, Chris it was CJ and Mama who planned the wedding. I was a little busy with getting my knee fixed at the time."

"More like you were passed out on the balcony from the pain pills!" CJ was still laughing. Matt looked up and arched an eyebrow at her.

"That wasn't my fault, CJ, and you know it. I couldn't help that the doctor gave me something that would knock me on my…"

"So now I've got this whole wedding to plan, only I'm not sure I even want to marry him now!" Another wail and the water works started again.

Matt took a big breath. "Okay, Chris, if I was talking to a witness about a case, I would be asking for all of the facts. I need to know word for word what Murray said and what you said."

"Well, he said he didn't care what kind of ceremony it was, and that whatever I decided would be fine with him." Chris sat and thought about it for a minute. "Oh, maybe he didn't mean it the way I thought."

"Chris, you know how Murray is – he worships the ground you walk on. Of course he meant it in the best way possible. He's absolutely crazy about you." Matt was starting to feel a little better about the situation.

"Oh, what have I done? WHAAAAHHH!" She let out another wail and Matt was reminded of one of the old air raid sirens. He shook his head.

"Would you like for me to call him – kinda help you two work this out?" He was fumbling for his phone but couldn't find it.

"Didja lose your phone again?" CJ was now the one with the arched brow.

"Uh, I think it's in the truck. Would you just hand me the house phone…please?" He was racking his brain trying to remember where he had left the darn thing again – he had a bad habit of setting them down when he got busy with something. CJ walked back over and handed him the phone. "I'll just go out here and give you ladies some time to talk." He hot footed it out to the patio and called Murray.

"Come on; pick up the phone, Murray. Pick it up, pick it up…Murray, Chris is out here at the ranch and …Murray, listen bud, no just listen…MURRAY!" Matt was close to losing his cool. "Look, I think I've got this deal worked out for you here, but I'm gonna need you to come out here and put on the charm big time, okay? What do I mean by big time?" Matt took off his baseball cap and swatted at his leg in lieu of cussing a blue streak. "Flowers would be great, candy wouldn't hurt. What? No, Murray, not Skootles, chocolate - you know how women like chocolate." He listened to the CEO ramble on for a minute. "Murray, are you drunk? Oh God, not again." He closed his eyes. _So much for going fishing this afternoon._ "Look, where are you? Okay, stay there. I'll be there as quick as I can. And don't drink any more booze, make a pot of coffee, you hear me?" He hung up the phone. "CJ, can you come out here for just a minute, sweetie?" Oh dear God he wanted to cuss a blue streak.

She came out of the kitchen preceded by her quickly expanding baby bump and he handed the phone back to her. "Look, I've gotta go get Murray. Evidently he was upset by their fight and started drinking – and you know him, he can sniff the cork and get a buzz." He was still fumbling around in his pockets looking for his phone. CJ handed him another one. "Thanks, babe. Be back as soon as I can. Love you." He kissed her on the cheek and headed back down to the truck.

"Matt, you forgot something."

He turned back around. CJ was holding up a bandage. Matt looked back down at his knuckle and walked back up to his wife. She put the bandage on and kissed him on the cheek. "Be careful. And don't lose that phone." He nodded and took off for the truck. When he got back down to the barn, he got back on the creeper, picked up the ratchet and made sure that the oil filter plug wasn't loose, then shot out from under the truck on the other side, threw the ratchet on the creeper and kicked it into the barn.

As he started the truck he heard a phone ring and pulled out the one that CJ had just given him. That wasn't the one that was ringing. He looked around the cab of the truck but didn't see it anywhere. Then the phone that CJ gave him started ringing. He looked at the caller ID: CJ. "Yeah babe."

"Can you pick up some milk while you're out? Oh, and some of those cookies, you know the ones in the white bag? I can't think of the name of them right now."

He laid his head on the steering wheel. "See if you can remember the name and I'll call you from the store, okay?"

"Alright, see you in a little while." She hung up. Matt looked at the phone. How could a Harvard-trained lawyer be so scatter brained at times? He pondered that for a second and then gave up, choosing instead to put the truck in gear and go to Murray's house to try to sober him up and bring him out to the ranch to make up with Chris.

As he started up the road, he wondered how in the world he ever managed to get into some of the situations that he did. The more he thought about it, the more it seemed like most of the predicaments that he had the misfortune of winding up in had been brought about by friends. That was something that he really needed to think about, but not now. Now he had to get Murray and bring back some kind of peace offering to Chris. And get CJ the milk and cookies that she was craving.


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2**

When he got to Murray's house, Matt got out of the truck and headed up the walkway. He rang the doorbell but didn't get an answer. He tried knocking. Still no answer. He walked around to the back and tried the back door – locked. He knocked on that door and the only result was the neighbor's Rottweiler began barking.

Matt walked back around to the front door and tried knocking again and ringing the bell, but when there was no answer he pulled out his phone and called Murray's cell. No answer. He walked over to peer through the window on the garage door and spotted the CEO's car. Letting out a big sigh he walked back over to the front door and tried knocking again. Still nothing. He leaned his head against the door and heard a voice behind him. "Hands in the air, real easy."

Houston started to tell the person why he was there. "No talking. Raise your hands in the air now!" He heard the squawk from a walkie talkie. "Listen…" He was hit by a sharp pain in his back and felt like he had just grabbed onto a power line. Falling to the concrete, he could only see stars and feel shocks continuing to roll through his body. A couple of minutes later he heard a familiar voice.

"Houston? You okay, man?" Matt looked up and a face began to swim into focus: Larry Carlisle, a cop he had known for several years now.

"Larry?" That was about all Matt could get out. His tongue felt as if it was receiving enough electrical volts to resurrect Frankenstein. The veteran cop helped him up off of the porch. Matt leaned against the wall, trying to decide if he was going to puke or breathe. Breathing seemed like a much better option.

"Houston, what in the hell happened? Mrs. Parkhurst here says you were trying to break into the house."

"No, I'm here to pick up Murray, but he didn't answer the door. He and Chris had a fight – you know, my secretary? Well they had a disagreement and she came out to the ranch and…" Matt's head was still spinning and the option of puking entered his mind again. "Anyway, I talked to Murray on the phone and he was drunk, so I offered to come pick him up and take him to the ranch so they can make up." A phrase kept rolling through Matt's mind: _"No good deed goes unpunished."_

"Uh huh, see Mrs. Parkhurst, I told you he's okay. He's a private eye. Helps out Lt. Hoyt all the time with murders and such." Larry was doing his best to reassure the older lady.

Matt looked up at his attacker who was wearing a blaze orange vest declaring her to be the captain of the neighborhood watch. If she was over four feet tall he would eat his hat. He decided that she looked a lot like Yoda – right down to the ear hair and wrinkles.

"Well, young man, I hope you've learned your lesson! You don't come to MY neighborhood and hang around looking like a thug!" She glared at him, then snatched the barb out of his skin and took off.

Matt looked up at Larry who was doing his best not to crack up – and wasn't succeeding. "Hah! Thought you were supposed to be such a charmer, Houston!" He began to laugh loudly.

"Look, Larry, I appreciate what you did. But can you help me with Murray? He might have passed out or something. I'm kinda worried about him, ya know?"

Larry stepped up to the door and rang the bell. It was opened almost immediately by Murray. "Houston, what took you so long? I've got to patch things up with Chris right now!" He walked out of his house, locked the door, and headed down to Matt's truck. Larry continued his laughter and walked back to his patrol car as Matt started wobbling toward his truck.

As he slid behind the wheel, Matt's missing phone began to ring again. Murray looked at him. "Aren't you going to answer that?"

The private investigator nodded and as soon as the replacement phone began to ring he answered. "Yeah, babe."

"Matt, are you okay? You sound kind of outta breath." She wondered if maybe he needed to get more exercise.

"Uh, yeah, fine. What do you need?" He closed his eyes. At least his tongue was working now.

"I thought of the name of those cookies. It's the Petersburg Farm cookies – the Boston Zippy Chocolate Chippys. Oh, and don't forget the milk. Love you, bye." She hung up and was gone, leaving Matt to stare at his phone.

"Houston, I really don't want to nag, but I've got to get to Chris as soon as possible." Murray didn't seem to be drunk at all, but Matt was seriously considering taking a drink himself. He started the truck and headed to the nearest grocery store. When he stopped in the parking lot, Murray looked at him like he had lost his mind. "I can't get her candy from here – it's got to be the very best there is!"

Matt looked at his friend, and was thinking about revoking the friend title. "Murray, I'm sure you can find something in here that will work. I've got to get CJ some milk and cookies. Come on."

As the two walked into the store, Matt made a beeline for the dairy aisle and Murray went toward the candy aisle. Neither man noticed that the store was unusually quiet. Matt grabbed a gallon of milk and then went to find the cookie aisle. After going to the opposite side of the store he finally found it. He looked all through the fifty choices of Petersburg Farm cookies – and didn't find a single Boston Zippy Chocolate Chippy. His chin dropped to his chest. He thought back to his recent mission with the Navy SEALs and the ensuing gun battle – it seemed like a better place to be at the moment. He sighed and headed toward the front of the store to find some help – surely they had that kind of cookie.

Just about the time he got to the front of the store, a thought entered his still somewhat jangled mind: it was awfully quiet in there. He looked around and didn't see anyone. Matt set the milk down on the end of a checkout lane and walked up to the front office. "Hello!" He waited. No answer. "HELLO!" Still no answer. "Oh God, not again." He looked around the front and decided that everyone must be in the back, so he picked up the gallon of milk and headed toward the back. As he approached the double doors that led to the stockroom, he could see several employees sitting in the break room. "Don't tell me they all decided to take a break at the same time." He stepped through the door and heard the CLICK of a pistol being cocked – right beside his left ear.

"Don't move a muscle, man!" The gunman started yelling at someone else. "Come on, man we gotta get outta here!" His partner came running out of the manager's office and didn't have his mask pulled down. Matt got a clear look at his face and quickly looked down at his boots. "Man, he saw your face! Now we gotta kill him!" The robber with the gun pointed at his head moved his hand slightly and Matt did the only thing he could – swung the gallon of milk and hit the gunman right in the crotch. He went down squalling in pain as Matt turned toward the other robber and tackled him. After a couple of punches, the would-be robber was unconscious. Looking around, Matt found an electrical cord and tied up the two men, then looked at the store manager.

"Do y'all have any of the Petersburg Farm Boston Zippy Chocolate Chippys?" The employees just stared at him, but the manager reached over onto a pallet and handed him a package. Matt smiled. "Now, could one of y'all come up front? I need to check out."

While standing in line waiting for the order to be rung up, Matt remembered that he had come into the store with Murray. He looked around and the CEO was nowhere to be seen. "Could you page Murray Chase and ask him to come up here, please?" The cashier sighed and blew her bangs off of her forehead, but picked up the phone and paged Murray. He came hustling up to the register.

"I can't find anything that is good enough, Houston. What am I going to do?" Murray, as usual, looked like he was ready to hyperventilate.

Matt stared at him for a few seconds. "Murray, you've got one minute to get back over there and find something and get back up here." His voice had a very low gravelly quality to it and it scared the CEO.

"Well you don't have to get like that!" He ran back over to the candy aisle.

"That'll be $8.52, please." The cashier was looking at her nails. Matt pulled a twenty out of his pocket and handed it to her. "Do you have correct change?" He shook his head no. She held the bill up to the light and then pulled out a security marker and made a mark on the bill. "Mr. Cavanaugh, come to register nine, please." She gave Matt a dirty look.

"Is there a problem?" He looked at her name tag. "Madge?"

She just stared at him. The manager came up front. "This guy's trying to pass a fake twenty." She handed the manager the bill. Just then a patrol car pulled up and in walked two officers followed by none other than Lt. Michael Hoyt, who didn't appear to be in a very good mood. He stopped when he saw Matt.

"I should have known it, you lousy PI's are like lightning rods, always attracting trouble." He scowled at the private detective.

"Hey, this guy's trying to pass a phony twenty." The manager handed it to Hoyt who held it up to the light and gave it a good look.

"Houston, really. Is this how you became a millionaire? By passing phony currency?"

"Hoyt, I don't know if it's fake or not." He dug into his pocket and pulled out another twenty. "Here. Use this." The cashier looked at it carefully, then marked it with the pen and gave him his change. Matt grabbed the milk and cookies and started out of the store.

"Not so fast, mister. You've got this other bill to explain." The store manager seemed to have quickly forgotten who had stopped the robbers earlier.

"Look, I didn't know it was fake. Tell him, Hoyt. I've got to get home. CJ wants milk and cookies." He started back toward the door. "Murray! Come on! NOW!"

Murray smiled at Madge the cashier as he handed her the exact change for his purchase and headed toward the front door.

Hoyt looked after Matt and then looked at Murray. "What's got him in such a bad mood?"

"Heck if I know. Maybe he and CJ got into it or something." Murray headed on out the door and got into the truck.

"Houston, not to be judgmental or anything, but you really need to work on your temper. You've got a child on the way: you need to set a good example." Murray looked over at the private investigator who was fuming.

Matt stopped at a red light and looked at Murray. "Look, I've been trying to help you and Chris and all it's gotten me so far is trouble. I've busted my knuckle. I've been tasered by a little old woman who looks like Yoda. I've almost been shot by robbers, and accused of passing fake currency. And now you're going to tell me I need to work on my temper?"

"Oh, I didn't realize." The CEO got quiet.

Miraculously, Matt made it back to the ranch without any further problems. He got out of the truck and headed across the patio to the kitchen followed by Murray, who stopped him just outside the door. "Houston, what should I say to her?"

Matt looked down at his boots and then back up at Murray. "Tell her you love her, Murray. Tell her that anything that she decides about the wedding will be perfectly fine with you." He opened the door and stepped inside, putting the milk in the refrigerator and the cookies on the counter. "CJ, your cookies are on the counter. Love you, babe." He started for the door. Maybe he could still get in an hour or two of fishing – if he hurried.

"Thanks hon. Can you come here a minute?" CJ was in the den with Chris and they were hovering over a laptop.

Matt dropped his head, then looked toward heaven and mouthed one word: "WHY?" He walked into the den and over to his wife.

"What do you think about this color for the nursery?" She turned the monitor for him to see.

"Whatever you think, babe." He turned and started out.

"What I think is that I asked your opinion." He could hear the annoyance in her voice. When he turned around she was giving him the raised eyebrow routine. Walking back over, he leaned over and kissed his wife on the cheek.

"What I meant was that you're much better at choosing colors and such than I am, and you would know better than I would what would work the best, babe."

"Oh, okay." She smiled up at him. He turned to leave. "Where are you going?"

"Fishing. It's been a long day."

"Oh, I want to go! How about you two – Chris, Murray, do you want to go, too?" Matt stopped in his tracks. He hadn't cried too many times as a grown man, but the urge to do so was getting stronger by the second.

"Sure! That sounds like fun! What do you think, Pumpkin?" Murray and Chris had made up without him even having to apologize.

"Great. Let's go." All three of them got up and walked toward the kitchen. Matt hadn't moved.

"Hon, what are you doing standing there?" CJ looked back at him.

"Uh, you know, I'm not feeling too good all of the sudden. Think I'm going to stay here." He rubbed the back of his head.

"And you never did keep your appointment with Carol like you were supposed to last week." CJ came over and started checking him to see if he had a fever. "You don't feel warm. Does he feel warm to you, Chris?"

The secretary started over toward Matt. "No, I'm not warm – uh, just kind of got a headache. You know what? Some fresh air would probably do me some good. Let's go up to the lake." He started back out to the barn to get the fishing poles. Maybe he would be able to get away from all of them at the lake. Yeah, that was it. He could work his way on around to the far end and enjoy some time to himself. Heh heh! Yep, he could make this work.

As he started into the barn, he forgot all about the creeper that he had kicked inside earlier and stepped on it. It slid out from under him, and he hit the ground solidly with his head.


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 3**

"Hey, Matt? Can you come in here for a minute?" CJ was standing on the patio hollering down at her husband who was under his truck in front of the barn. His eyes flew open and he looked around.

He looked at his knuckles and there were none busted. "HEE HEE! IT WAS JUST A DREAM!" Matt slid out from under the truck, ducked inside of the barn, and ran out the other end. He hopped over the fence and jumped onto the back of Cricket, his favorite horse, and galloped away across the pasture.


End file.
